


Plan 0817: Eliminate the Hotpot Competition

by irishbandlover23



Category: Gintama
Genre: AU where they all get along and are able to joke around, Gen, utsuro is merely a traveling dude that may or may not be shouyou's brother, what are these kids doing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-11 01:33:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8947891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irishbandlover23/pseuds/irishbandlover23
Summary: Basic Summary: Christmas shenanigans featuring Shouyou, Utsuro, and young Joui 3, Nobume and Oboro. 
Katsura seemed to ponder this, and slowly nodded. Gintoki clapped his hands, and said, “I say we do something to eliminate the competition.”Katsura exasperatedly sighed. “Competition, really?”Gintoki nodded and whispered,  “Takasugi’s a goner if we give him another bottle of Yakult, Nobume doesn’t even like meat, and Oboro…” Gintoki quietly contemplated.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Holidays, Khorale!  
> It was really fun writing your gift! It made me seriously think of these characters trying (but failing) to play nice on Christmas day. Also, your blog is amazing (so you probably are, too ^^), so I really felt the need to do my best (not that I wouldn’t, hah).  
> Anyways, hope you enjoy your gift and Merry Christmas!

Shouyou crossed his arms and stared at the man standing on his doorstep. “Absolutely not.”

Utsuro threw him a tight-lipped smile. “Ah, it's not like I want to, either.”

The two men, so alike in appearance, sized each other up. Neither of them moved, unwilling to concede defeat. Seconds turned into minutes, and still they continued to stare at each other, ignoring the freezing temperatures and the children behind Shouyou.

Finally, Shouyou closed his eyes and sighed. “Fine, whatever, come in.” Before Utsuro could utter a cheer, Shouyou snapped, “But no violence. I mean it, Utsuro.”

Utsuro rolled his eyes. “Yes, yes. I still remember what happened last time, too, Shouyou.”

Shouyou nodded in satisfaction, and opened the door wider. “Let’s get this over with.” Shouyou turned to the five children eavesdropping by the corner, and said, “I know you’re all there. Go back to the kotatsu; we will be there shortly.”

Utsuro, who’d been quietly following Shouyou, perked up. “Gintoki’s here?”

Shouyou nodded. “Of course he’s here.”

“Good.”

“Well,” Shouyou politely said, “feel free to take a seat wherever, Utsuro.”

Utsuro chuckled. “What about you?”

Shouyou amiably replied, “Unlike you, I can sit by anyone and not cause any problems.”

However, both men paused when they heard a crash and a thud.

“...”

“What?” Shouyou said a bit defensively. “They’re children; of course they cause problems.”

Stepping inside the living room, Shouyou and Utsuro were met by the sight of Gintoki pushing a scowling Oboro, Nobume pulling Katsura’s hair, and Takasugi calmly sipping a bottle of Yakult.

Shouyou cleared his throat, and watched as everyone froze and slowly turned to look at him.

“Gintoki, what did I say about pushing and shoving?”

Gintoki grumbled, “Not to.”

“And what are you doing right now?”

Gintoki scowled but didn’t answer.

Shouyou smiled. “Gintoki.”

“Shoving.”

“Why were you shoving Oboro?”

Gintoki blushed. “No reason.”

Before Shouyou could ask Gintoki another question, Takasugi said, “He wanted to sit by you, sensei.”

Gintoki stammered, “N-No, I didn’t!”

Katsura giggled and said, “Yes you did.”

“Shut up, Bakasugi, Zura!”

“Why?” asked Nobume. “They’re only saying the truth.”

Shouyou snickered. “In any case, I’ll be sitting alone. And before I forget: Nobume, no pulling hair.

Nobume nodded. “But his hair is so soft!”

“That doesn’t mean you can pull it!” replied Katsura.

“You both have nice hair. If you want to touch someone else’s hair, ask first.”

Both children looked down, properly chastised. “Yes, sensei.”

Utsuro snickered. “Honestly, Shouyou, they’re kids. You don’t have to act like a dictator.”

Shouyou rolled his eyes. “You think everyone is a dictator.”

Utsuro nudged Shouyou. “It’s a fact until proven false.”

“Sit down, Utsuro.”

“Fine.” Utsuro sauntered up to Gintoki and Oboro, who looked up at Utsuro warily. “Move over, Gintoki. I want to sit next to Oboro.”

Gintoki glared. “I want to sit next to Oboro.”

Utsuro happily retorted, “That’s not what you said five minutes ago!”

“Shut up, old man!”

Utsuro smiled. “Are you calling someone the same age as Shouyou old?”

Gintoki didn’t answer, and reluctantly moved to sit next to a yawning Takasugi.

Shouyou finally came and sat on his own side of the Kotatsu. On his left were Utsuro and Oboro, and on his right were Takasugi and Gintoki. In front of him, sat Nobume and Katsura.

“Now that we are all seated--”

“Sensei, I’m hungry!” said Nobume.

Shouyou sighed.

It was going to be a long night.

* * *

 

“Hey, Zura.”

Zura huffed. “It’s not Zura, it’s Katsura!”

Gintoki hmphed. “Same thing. _Anyways_ ,” he whispered before Katsura could retort, “I want food.”

“We’re having hotpot, idiot. You can wait a few more minutes.”

“Stupid, I can wait for Shouyou’s food. I meant, I want the good parts.”

“It’s all delicious!”

Gintoki rolled his eyes. “Quit sucking up; you know meat is the best part.”

Katsura seemed to ponder this, and slowly nodded. Gintoki clapped his hands, and said, “I say we do something to eliminate the competition.”

Katsura exasperatedly sighed. “Competition, really?”

Gintoki nodded and whispered,  “Takasugi’s a goner if we give him another bottle of Yakult, Nobume doesn’t even _like_ meat, and Oboro…” Gintoki quietly contemplated.

“If you ask him nicely, he’ll help,” Katsura hopefully suggested.

Gintoki crinkled his nose. “Nah, he’s too slow. He won’t be a problem. The problem lies with Shouyou and Utsuro.”

Katsura replied, “We can ask Shouyou nicely; you know he coddles us when he can.”

Gintoki narrowed his eyes. “That’s too simple, though.”

“Well, what do you suggest?”

“I say you provide a distraction, and I get us enough meat while Shouyou fusses over you?”

“What about Utsuro?”

Gintoki puffed out his chest and looked at Utsuro, who was conversing with Oboro about his trip to space. “I can handle him,” Gintoki confidently said. “He’s big; I’m small, and young, and quick.” He paused. “And smart!”

Zura widened his eyes, brought a hand up to his lips, and leaned close to Gintoki. He mischievously whispered, “Keep going; I think I see your head getting bigger, Gintoki.”

Gintoki shoved Katsura lightly, lest they attract attention. “Shut up, Zura! This will work, I promise.”

Katsura didn’t look convinced at all, but begrudgingly nodded.

Gintoki pointed to the kitchen, where Shouyou was coming from with the hotpot. “We’ll start on my signal.”

“3-”

Everyone, including Utsuro, sat up straight and leaned forwards in anticipation.

“2-”

Shouyou placed the hotpot in the center of the table.

“1-”

Absolute chaos.

* * *

 

At the same time that Gintoki was whispering with Katsura, Nobume had her head down. She was bored; her usual companion, Oboro, was talking to Utsuro, and Katsura, while full of interesting snippets of facts, was talking to Gintoki.

She sighed as her stomach grumbled. She wanted food already.

Nobume was about to interrupt Oboro’s conversation when she heard Gintoki not-so-quietly say, “-eliminate the competition.”

Normally, Nobume would stay out of it. She could care less about Gintoki’s stupid plans that never included her or Oboro.

It was fine.

Okay, so maybe she was a bit hurt that he never asked her to partake in their jokes.

Nobume liked to think of herself as kind. She liked it when Shouyou praised her for doing something right. Now, she knew that eavesdropping was wrong, which is why she was perfectly content to let Katsura and Gintoki talk about their probable stupid plan about elimination. She would’ve done just that, if only she hadn’t heard Gintoki say “-Nobume doesn’t even _like_ meat, and Oboro”

Okay, so maybe she didn’t eat meat. She found the texture of meat to be weird, the color to be unsightly, and the smell to be worse than Gintoki’s awful feet (not that she smelled _that_ on purpose everyday).

Something about the way he said the statement had her frowning as she slowly sat up.

So what? Just because she didn't like meat he didn't consider her competition?

She could take him on any day and _win_.

Nobume stared at Takasugi drinking yet another bottle of Yakult as she pondered how to sabotage--ahem, win--Gintoki’s plan for meat.

She didn’t want to grab a portion of meat because that would be wasteful, off-putting, and she would definitely be on the receiving end of Shouyou’s disappointed stare.

Her eyes lit up when she realized that Katsura, of all people, was actually going along with Gintoki’s plan. She bit her lip to keep herself from laughing. If Nobume was honest with herself, Katsura was probably the smartest of the bunch, but his lack of confidence had him constantly following Gintoki’s (frankly terrible) plans.

Well, if she couldn’t attack directly, then… Katsura it was.

They would never see it coming, and, who knows, maybe she’d get praised by Shouyou for being mature and nice.

That was why, when Shouyou appeared bearing the mouth-watering hotpot, Nobume quietly picked up her chopsticks, smiled at Shouyou as he sat down, and smoothly reached for Katsura’s plate.

After all, he couldn’t get meat if he didn’t have a plate.

For politeness’ sake (it was Christmas, after all), she filled his plate with the vegetables he likes (because contrary to his affirmations of liking everything, he does have his preferences) and set his down.

Then, she quickly filled up her plate, noting with plenty of mirth and satisfaction that Oboro had actually managed to get some pieces of meat.

She couldn’t help but think _Who’s the winner, now, Gintoki?_ as she quickly dug into her food.

_Delicious!_

* * *

 

Katsura should have known to never trust Gintoki’s plans. His plans were terrible; there was a reason why Katsura was the one who came up with plans.

It wasn’t even five seconds into their plan, when things quickly spiraled downhill.

There is a reason why Katsura preferred facts over assumptions. Facts were concrete, and rarely failed. Gintoki’s plan was full of assumptions, he belatedly realized.

Assumption #1: Takasugi is appeased by Yakult. Katsura would admit that this is a borderline fact; Takasugi loved Yakult to the point that Shouyou had to limit the quantity of consumption lest Takasugi bring Shoka Sonjuku down through bankruptcy. Takasugi just had to prove them wrong today of all days. Three seconds into the plan, Takasugi had all but shoved Gintoki with his elbow in order to get close to the hotpot.

Fact #1: Nobume does not like meat.

Assumption #1.5: Nobume will not go for meat. Just because she didn’t like meat didn’t mean she would calmly sit back and wait for her turn. No, Nobume had a sadistic streak; she would do almost anything to make others suffer. Two seconds in, she’d reached over, gotten Katsura’s plate, and ignored his squawk of protest as she filled it up with vegetables. No meat for Katsura.  

Assumption #2: Oboro was definitely not slow. Not even a second in, and he’d passed through the opening that Nobume had given him and gotten a few pieces of meat before--well, before the adults had tucked in.

Assumption #3: Shouyou will fall for Katsura’s distraction. Shouyou doesn’t _fall_ for anything. That, and given the circumstances, Katsura was powerless to even create a distraction.

Assumption #4: Utsuro and Gintoki could fight on even ground.

Bottom line was: Five seconds after their plan, all the meat was gone. Katsura and Gintoki received no meat, and while Katsura was fine with it (he wasn’t lying when he said everything was delicious), Gintoki was glaring daggers at everyone at the table.

Katsura lightly patted Gintoki’s shoulder. “Cheer up, Gintoki. There’s always New Year’s.”

Not that Katsura would go along with Gintoki’s plan ever again.

* * *

 

In life, there were always winners and losers. Shouyou and Utsuro knew that, and yet, they couldn’t help but try to surpass each other in everything.

Spars ended when one was on the floor, bruised and bloody and gasping for breath. 

Arguments ended when one was breathless, completely red in the face, and done with the other person.

Food, well. That was a category of its own. 

Food competitions ended when their plates were full, stomachs happy, and the food was gone. 

Even though now there were five additional bodies at the table, Shouyou and Utsuro knew how this would all end. 

Glancing at each other, both Shouyou and Utsuro knew that this would only end when one of them was satisfied.

And so, as soon as the food was in the center, Shouyou picked up his chopsticks, glanced at Utsuro, who threw him a wink, and waited for their competition to begin.

3-

Shouyou noticed Nobume reach for Katsura’s plate.

2-

Takasugi, for once, did not have Yakult in his hands.

1-

_ Go! _

Shouyou’s arm reached out and immediately began shoveling meat onto his plate quickly. Not to be deterred, Utsuro had also begun to shovel meat onto his plate, and was chanting, “Mine, mine, and mine!” as he grabbed the other items inside the hotpot.

Shouyou grinned as he deftly used his chopsticks to steal a piece of Utsuro’s meat and chuckled when Utsuro countered by splitting the contested piece in half.

“For all that things change, some things stay the same.”

Utsuro grinned. “This is not  _ sharing _ , its fighting. Honestly, Shouyou, you’re a teacher, know your terms!”

“Its precisely because I’m a teacher that I know what you’re doing.” 

Both men shared an amused look, and slowly put down their plates. They weren’t done, but a temporary truce had been called. 

Neither Utsuro nor Shouyou had forgotten that they were not alone. 

The kids needed  _ some  _ food as well. 

Shouyou’s chuckle turned into full-blown laughter as he looked at the children.

Takasugi had filled his plate with two pieces of meat, lots of vegetables, and was now taking a rather big gulp of Yakult, Oboro was smiling at something Nobume had said, Nobume had a small smile on her face as she took a small bite of her food, Katsura was patting Gintoki’s shoulder in comfort, and Gintoki--well, Gintoki was  _ pouting _ . It was such a cute pout! Shouyou sadly lamented that he didn’t have a camera to photograph this absolutely perfect scene. 

Shouyou murmured, “We should do this again next year.”

Utsuro’s eyes widened. “Eh? Did I just hear you say--”

Shouyou sighed. “I am  _ not  _ repeating myself, Utsuro.”

“Ah. Well, if it's possible, then yes. I’d like that.”

“Good.”

“Merry Christmas, Shouyou.”

**Author's Note:**

> Poor children. They never really stood a chance.  
> Thank you for reading and hope you enjoyed!  
> Kudos are nice, but reviews are greatly appreciated!


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